I taught Hakavai, my son, how to surf in Far North Queensland. (Yes, I know, there’s not really any waves there. Pipe down and keep reading will you?)
The first time we went together the wind was onshore, frothing the meek, pallid waves into submission. I zip my son into his wetsuit and he takes off into the water. I follow him, trying to keep the soft top surfboard under my arm. Before I know it he’s neck deep, and so I say, “Ok, mate, hop on.”
I push him onto the wave and he nosedives immediately.
“Sorry mate! My fault! Let’s go again!”
He wades back to me and hops on the surfboard and I push him onto the wave and the same thing happens. He nosedives. He looks pissed off at me by this stage.
“Sorry mate! Let’s try once more!”
I grab him and put him on the board and tell him to wiggle back a lot more. I push him onto the wave, and watch him glide towards the shore.
No nosedive.
Permission to be a beginner
It’s hard to do things for the first time. I get it. Mistakes are made, you get dumped, maybe you can’t put your finger on why the darned thing isn’t working. Maybe, if that thing is learning to run, I could help you with that.
Allow me to explain. My name’s Turia, and I’m a running coach. I teach beginners how to run 5 kilometres for the first time. And if you were learning to run for the first time, this is what I’d want to see from you:
You need to give yourself permission to be a beginner. We wouldn’t expect ourselves to be able to salsa, to be able to surf, to be able to bake a perfectly buttery croissant without some guidance. For some reason, when it comes to running, we expect ourselves to be able to just do it. It’s ridiculous. And if you haven’t run in a very long time – or even if you can’t remember ever running – you probably won’t be great at it straight away.
Sorry!
But if you say to yourself, “Hey, I’m new to this running thing. I’m learning this wonderful thing called running. I don’t need to be ‘great’. I don’t even need to be good. I am giving myself permission to start something new. To challenge myself”. If you can do that? Then, that’s giving yourself permission to be a beginner.
You need to stop being a dickhead to yourself. I want you to listen to what’s going on in your head when you’re walking, or whenever you’re trying something new. Are you saying things to yourself like, “Wow, I’m really proud of you mate. This is tough but you’re sticking to it” or “You’ve got this!”?
Or are you thinking things like, “This is embarrassing”, and “I should have never stopped going to the gym last year”.
Which one sounds more like you? If it’s the latter, you’re being a dickhead to yourself!
May I suggest something for you instead?
If there’s little kids in your life – say, your son, or your nephew, or the little kid across the street from you, and they tried something for the first time, and they weren’t amazing straight away, what would you say to them? I reckon you’d be lovely, and you’d say something along the lines of:
“Wow, this is your first time building a train set! You’re pretty good for a first timer!”
“Wow, I think you did well in that running race. You had a red hot go!”
Try to be equally lovely to yourself. Don’t be a dickhead. Extend the same grace and compassion to yourself that you extend to others. You need to stop expecting perfection.
In fact, you aim for something a little more mediocre: good enough. Yes, I know, this goes against what all the gym bros are saying, but I think a ‘good enough’ approach works. And you know what? Some days are great, some are average and some are just abysmal.
This doesn’t change with you starting to run or even trying anything new in your life. Aiming for perfection won’t get you to where you want to go. Showing up for yourself, and being kind to yourself? That always gets you moving in the right direction.
More:
- Tiff Hall’s 6 Postpartum Exercises To Help You Tone And Lift
- Kayla Itsines’ Endometriosis-Friendly Workout
- Allira Potter On Saying ‘No’ (And Taking A Few Risks)
