Here’s the golden rule of meditation — and it might just surprise you

When your head finally hits the pillow after a busy day, does your mind buzz, replaying events, wishing you’d achieved more, or micro planning the details of tomorrow? You’re not alone, nearly half (48%) of all Australian adults report at least two sleep-related problems. It can be both frustrating and disappointing when our mind doesn’t get the memo that it’s time for sleep, especially when we feel tired.

Incorporating meditation for better sleep

Meditation is a powerful way to slow down this mental chatter so you drift more easily to sleep. But like any new skill, it takes time to build. 

Social media and the internet are flooded with meditation images and techniques. All this information can make it hard to know where to begin or result in us placing pressure on ourselves to ‘get meditation right’ to be ‘good at meditating’. 

Meditation for beginners

You wouldn’t expect to run a marathon the first time you lace up your shoes, or even complete a 10km run. Meditation is the same. It’s okay to start small, take breaks, and stumble along the way.

A 5-minute meditation to start off the day

Having taught hundreds of thousands of people around the world to meditate, I’d like to share with you this golden rule. There is no such thing as a perfect meditation. So before you begin, let go of any expectations that you will reach some place of zen where all your thoughts and worries disappear, and instead, try and enjoy the moment and whatever arises as best you can.

What if I find it hard to concentrate when meditating?

If your mind wanders in meditation (which it will), if uncomfortable emotions bubble up or you feel restless – that’s ok. Meditation is about meeting your entire experience with a sense of friendliness and curiosity. But rest assured, it does get easier and more rewarding over time.

In fact, many people give up on meditation before they have the chance to experience its benefits. Studies show that up to 25% of participants in mindfulness and meditation programs drop out early due to challenges such as confusion about techniques or a perceived inability to meditate correctly.

Yoga for beginners: how does yoga actually work?

Too often, people conclude they’re ‘no good’ at meditation or worry that they’re not doing it ‘properly’, but the truth is, messy meditation is where the real growth happens.

How exactly do you meditate?

Meditation is not about perfection, it’s about allowing the experience to unfold naturally. Many people think they’ve failed if they get distracted, feel fidgety, or find their mind racing. But that couldn’t be further from the truth, it’s actually where the real magic happens. If you find yourself scratching your leg or drifting into thoughts about dinner, that’s not a mistake, it’s an invitation to return.

Why nasal breathing is the forgotten key to a better night’s sleep

The act of coming back to your breath or focus point is the practice. It’s like building a muscle, and every time you bring your mind back, you strengthen it. Meditation is about meeting whatever arises with curiosity and kindness, the fidgeting, the thinking, and everything in between.

What are the 7 stages of meditation?

In his book Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond: A Meditator’s Handbook, Ajahn Brahm outlines seven distinct stages of meditation that guide practitioners from initial focus to deep bliss. 

Here’s my interpretation of how these stages can be applied in everyday practice:

1. Showing up: In the beginning, it’s all about creating the habit and showing up regularly. Don’t worry about doing it perfectly. Just start.
2. Navigating resistance: You may feel resistance, wondering if it’s worth it or if you’re doing it right. Stay curious, and know this is normal. Lean into that discomfort and meet it with compassion.
3. Focused attention: Over time, you’ll experience longer periods of focus. Distractions will still arise, but you’ll become better at gently guiding yourself back without frustration.
4. Moments of stillness: You’ll start to notice brief moments of stillness. These are like little gifts, acknowledge them, but don’t chase them. Let them come and go.
5. Deeper awareness: As your practice matures, you’ll become aware of subtler sensations and emotions. Approach these discoveries with kindness and without judgment.
6. Mindful presence: Extended periods of mindful presence will emerge, where you feel deeply connected to the moment without effort. This is where meditation starts to feel less like practice and more like being.
7. Effortless integration: Meditation will begin to flow naturally into your daily life. Even off the yoga mat (or where ever you find a moment), you’ll notice its calming presence, whether you’re stuck in traffic or sipping your morning coffee.

How to get started meditating

1. Commit. Life is busy, I get it. Put it in your diary, making a clear and actionable commitment to yourself will increase your chances of success. Create a positive statement like ‘I will meditate for ten minutes each week night before I go to sleep’.
2. Comfort. Being physically comfortable is key to a successful practice. If you need to support yourself with a pillow, use a blanket or lie down, that’s ok.
3. Mindfulness. Begin by engaging your senses. What sounds can you hear in your environment? How do your clothes feel on your skin? 
4. Breath. Get curious about the flow of your breath. Notice it entering and leaving your body. Is it warm or cool? Does it make a sound. You can repeat quietly in your mind ‘breathing in’ on the inbreath, and ‘breathing out’ on the outbreath.
5. Let go. As you exhale, focus on letting go of tension or tightness in your body. Soften your jaw, allow your shoulders to drop, relax your stomach.
6. Meditation attitudes. As you focus on your breath and relaxing your body, try to bring a sense of curiosity, compassion and friendliness to your practice, and to whatever emotions, physical sensations or thoughts arise.
7. Close. Notice your senses once more. Offer yourself a smile for helping your nervous system relax.

Guided meditation for sleep

This sleep meditation has now had over 200,000 plays, so it’s not quite a guarantee but about as good as you’ll get for chilling out. 

Or you could try this simple yet powerful sleep meditation tonight and experience for yourself the power of meditation to relax your body, calm your mind and help you drift off to sleep.

• Begin by getting comfortable. Close your eyes and take three nice deep breaths.
• Now imagine the moon in the sky. Picture the moonlight shining down onto your body, relaxing you from head to toe. 
• Return your awareness to your breath. Focus on your exhale.
• As you exhale, let go of any physical tension in your body. Drop deeper into the support of the surface beneath you.
• Continue to focus on this feeling of letting go as you exhale.
• Repeat silently in your mind some phrases like
• I let go of the conversations and interactions of the day.
• I let go of the things I didn’t get done.
• I let go of the ways I was imperfect.
• I am safe. I am whole. I am enough.
• Finish by offering yourself a smile for giving yourself this moment to transition from busyness to sleep.

Meditation is not another thing we need to add to our already long To Do list or try and ‘be good at’. It is a powerful way to offer your body an opportunity to release physical, mental and emotional tension so that you can drift off to sleep more easily, and wake feeling refreshed, ready to embrace the day.

Fleur Chambers is a multi-award-winning meditation teacher, creator of The Happy Habit app, bestselling author, and philanthropist.