During adolescence, friendship was one long, uninterrupted conversation. These were the friends we talked to daily, both at school and at home via MSN and Facebook, sharing all manner of stories and personal insights with even though we’d see them again in less than a few hours. For some, such friendships have lasted throughout adulthood, while others have seen their friendship circles whittle down during adulthood, only to lose touch with those people that made their school years so entertaining, hilarious, and emotional.
The fact remains that as a society, we tend to place greater emphasis on those romantic connections in our lives. We see it all the time in Hollywood films and in numerous books: all too often romantic love is placed on a pedestal, steamrolling over those friendships that prove most formative. But the fact is, it’s our friends that get us through the hard times and these relationships are ones that should be nurtured and regarded as something significant and special.
If we learned anything during the pandemic and Covid-19-enforced lockdown, it was that friendships are just like relationships in that they take work: it’s important to check in, to engage with one another, to see how the other is doing on a regular basis. Not surprisingly, new research suggests that such texts, phones and emails aren’t just necessary to sustaining a good friendship, but are also greatly appreciated by your friends. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, check-ins from friends are greatly important.
Researchers did a series of experiments involving nearly 6,000 participants in order to explore the value of reaching out to someone “just because” or “just to catch up.” In one experiment, half of the participants were asked to recall the last time they initiated checking in with a friend after a significant period of no interaction, while the other half were instructed to think of a time when they were on the receiving end of such communication. In another scenario, check-in messages were sent to classmates they hadn’t interacted with in some time.
Across all the various experiments and scenarios, researchers found initiators underestimated how much recipients appreciated the contact. It seemed that regardless of just how much time had elapsed between the two friends in terms of communication, a text simply checking-in was always welcome – particularly when the message was unexpected.
According to lead study author, Peggy Liu, PhD, a professor of business administration at the University of Pittsburgh who studies consumer psychology, “There’s other research suggesting that when something positive happens to us, if it is also surprising, that amplifies the positivity of the experience.” Liu explained to SELF, “In our research, we’re finding that receivers feel even more appreciative of being reached out to when they weren’t expecting it.”
“I think many people have lost touch with others during this pandemic, for example, and they might be hesitant to reach out. The research we’ve done suggests that one reason might be that you underestimate how much your friends or acquaintances would appreciate hearing from you.”
peggy liu
So, consider this your friendly reminder to reach out to those friends and simply check-in with them because you can. Not only will it bring a smile to their day, but you’ll feel better after doing so, too. And in such trying times as we’re seeing lately in the world, we need all the good vibes we can get.
