According to ‘happiness expert’ and New York Times bestselling author Gretchen Rubin, we all fall into four different ‘Tendencies’. These Tendencies, or characteristics, say a lot about who we are as people. But more importantly, having a really clear understanding of what your Tendency is can make being happier, healthier, creative, productive and motivated a whole lot easier.
As Rubin puts it, we as humans face two kinds of expectations in our life. Outer expectations (so stuff like when dealing with tasks at work or when a family member asks you for something) and inner expectations (the promises you keep for yourself like when you decide you’re going to start exercising everyday). Our response to expectations determines our “Tendency”.
What are the four basic tendencies?
This personality framework was designed by Rubin as a way to “help you know yourself better, understand others, and create the life you want.”
Described in her book The Four Tendencies and her website, the four different categories people fall into are: Obliger, Rebel, Questioner and Upholder.
Obliger
The most common tendency. Obligers are the ones that meet outer expectations but at the same time, resist inner expectations. This means when someone else asks something of them, they will always oblige but when it comes to themselves, they struggle to uphold discipline.
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Instead, Obligers will often need external pressures in order to uphold expectations they impose on themselves.
Rebel
Rubin’s research shows just 17 percent of people are Rebels, the least common of the four Tendencies. As you may have guessed it, Rebels don’t like being told what to do or be held to what they say.
Unlike Obligers, they resist both outer and inner expectations. You can’t tell them to do something, nor will they even listen to themselves.
Questioner
Questioners are kind of like the opposite of Obligers. They will meet their inner expectations however they don’t do well with outer expectations.
Questioners will, essentially, question everything. Rubin explains it as “they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense.” In turn, they almost make all expectations into inner expectations if they can be convinced.
Upholder
And finally, the Upholder. These individuals do well to meet both inner and outer expectations. They like to know what others expect of them and strive to meet them. Upholders will often enjoy routines and systems but don’t do too well when things are unclear or when last-minute changes derail their plans.
What is my tendency?
Ready to figure out which one you are? Well Rubin has devised an online quiz to do just that. The questions asked in the quiz paint a scenario and aims to figure out what you would do in those situations, how you would feel about a particular event or how you view yourself.
Questions and statements include:
- Have you kept a New Year’s resolution where you weren’t accountable to anyone?
- Which statement best describes your view about your commitments to yourself?
- At times, we feel frustrated by ourselves. Are you most likely to feel frustrated because…
So what does this all mean for me?
For Rubin, all of this self-awareness is key. This knowledge of our Tendency, and of the Tendencies of the people around us, is an important tool to understand why we do and don’t do things. It’s a great way to help to develop a motivational strategy. Whether that’s in our professional or personal life, knowing your Tendency and applying this to your life can boost your drive and efficiency.
When we understand our Tendency and how we respond to expectations, we can find the tools that work for us to build the life we want,” she explains.
Understanding your motivation using the Four Tendencies
So, say you do the quiz and you find out that you’re an Upholder. What now?
Well, as we’ve discovered, Upholders thrive on routine and do well with clear goals. As someone with this Tendency, stay motivated by setting realistic goals, clear steps and deadlines. Motivate yourself with a reward every time you hit a new milestone. As a Questioner, you may have to dig a little deeper. Question everything and really delve into why you want to achieve a certain goal or do a particular task. Do plenty of research and seek out opportunities where you can continue your learning.
For Obligers who may have trouble sticking to their own goals without external pressure, break things down into smaller, more bite-sized tasks. Even better if you can keep yourself accountable or ask others for help to keep you on track. You might even find saying no can be beneficial. And finally, Rebels thrive on freedom. Don’t lock yourself down to doing things a certain way. Set goals that align with you and your passions but give yourself the space and opportunity to explore different ways of doing things.
Whatever Tendency you are, understanding the way you tick can help you develop a framework to set goals and build better habits that you can actually stick to.
