Even though it has been quite a few years since the height of the pandemic, some thoughts, feelings and actual behaviours have overstayed their welcome. One of these is loneliness.
Defined as an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation, and often associated with an unwanted lack of connection and intimacy, you don’t need a psychology qualification to grasp why its incidence ballooned during the pandemic. And now, almost four years on – and with most of our lives once again playing out beyond the four walls of our homes – that pandemic-era loneliness is still hanging around.
Research done by non-profit organisation Wayside Chapel reveals that even now, almost 1 in 3 Australians feel lonely, and contrary to some stereotypes, younger Australians aged 18 to 24 reported feeling most disconnected.
Why are we more lonely?
According to the study, the major reason is a drop in face-to-face contact. Over 70% of Australians average less than 60 minutes of face-to-face social contact per day which not great, especially with the minimum time needed a day to create a sense of belonging, acceptance and validation being 1-3 hours.
“As social beings, human connection is essential for our well-being”, says Australian social researcher Hugh Clifford Mackay AO. “Yet here we are in 2024, with social isolation our #1 public health issue. The chief villain is our dependence on screen-based devices that seem to connect us, but actually make it easy for us to stay apart. ‘Connected but lonely’ is now a common problem for heavy social media users. Real connection requires face-to-face contact, including vital eye contact. When we don’t get our daily dose of eye contact, we suffer from social hunger, and that’s a very unhealthy state for us to be in.”
Types of loneliness
According to founder and CEO of The NeuroTech Institute Dr. Fiona Kerr, two kinds of loneliness are particularly important to differentiate. They are both subjective:
- Social loneliness is feeling like there are not enough relationships in our networks.
- Emotional loneliness is not having significant others that really care about us, that will listen, back us up and be there when we need them. This is important as emotional loneliness buffers social loneliness.
How to spot loneliness in loved ones
“It is common for lonely, isolated people to stop socialising, exercising or being active—both of which key to social interaction and producing feel good chemicals in our body and brain,” explains Dr Kerr. “They can also change their eating habits, often eating erratically or poorly. (When we are together we create serotonin which is a ‘feel good comfort chemical’ among other things. As we make 90% of it in our ‘gut brain’, when we are alone, we make up the shortfall with carbohydrates – ‘comfort food’ is a perfect term).”
In addition, some of the signs of chronic stress are similar to the warning signs of isolation, often because people who are isolated are more anxious. They include: inadequate sleep (too much, broken sleep or too little), poor nutrition, and emotional distress.
How can we stop loneliness?
“One of the most important things is to raise awareness and educate each other in the science and wonder of face to face connection, the difference with virtual connection, how widespread loneliness is, the fact it is something people should not feel uncomfortable talking about as it is not their fault – the environment they have been thrust into over the last few years is like a perfect storm,” adds Dr Kerr.
We need to empower communities to have more interaction and ease of engagement, so that people feel comfortable moving around and connecting. Some of the ways we can do this at a local and individual level are:
Get behind Social 60
In response to the alarming rise in loneliness gripping the nation, leading non-profit organisation Wayside Chapel has launched a new behaviour change campaign, Social60 — a first-of-its-kind initiative aimed at addressing the pressing need for increased face-to-face social interaction among Australians.
Look up and connect
Literature collations and ongoing studies (post covid) indicate 4 hours a day of waking time should be off screens for maintaining a sense of connection – with each other, ourselves and our environment.
Try discuss with each other what other things would fulfill them as individuals (playing music, art, meditation, reading, building something), and those things that increase engagement – with their friends and family (art competitions, cook-offs etc).
Many families have 1-2 screen-free evenings a week. Interestingly, data shows the younger children adopt it quite quickly, and teens will hate parents for a while, but eventually are quite creative in finding something else to do (board games, joint movie nights with popcorn, dance-offs, sport), and show the greatest disappointment when these evenings are stopped – be aware they do not typically express this but quickly adopt screens again to make up for the loss.
Do things together
Much work in the UK, Europe and areas in other countries is done on getting people involved in deciding on local community ventures that would bring people together and / or be useful. One of the most powerful ways to coax people with social anxiety out is to give them something to do that is useful, and if it includes empathy (doing something for or with others) the impact on their mental health is even greater.
To that end, volunteering is one of the most powerful ways to lessen loneliness, and is adopted in many countries for doing just that (Note: only if it is done for the right reasons – the neurophysiological benefits only occur when wanting to make a positive difference and empathising, but do not occur at all when volunteering to look or feel good about themselves).
The next time you stand in a coffee line with friends or family, see who can be first to engage the person next to them whom they don’t know (just acknowledging, smiling and a brief exchange has a powerful impact on us). This can also be a challenge to see who can stay off the screen longest
If you are feeling lonely there are definitely some things you can do. Get up and out – even a walk or shopping, things that get us into our environment improve our mood and open the possibility we will interact with others. Go out and connect to get your minimum dose of 60 minutes of MEANINGFUL engagement. Acknowledge people. Smile. Make small talk.
These are all ways to validate and accept others, and to be validated and accepted in return, which is critical to us as social animals.
If you or someone you know needs help, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.
