If you’ve ever written missionary off as the most vanilla sex position of all time, you’re probably not alone. It’s a classic move, and one that’s easy to master; ergo, many people might dismiss it as boring.
But that doesn’t mean you should take missionary off the table, or resort to it only when you’re feeling lazy—in fact, there are several good reasons why it should be a regular part of your romp repertoire.
Missionary sex is any type of sex wherein the person doing the penetrating (whether it’s with a penis, strap-on, or fingers) is on top and the person receiving is lying underneath them. Unlike doggy style, for example, missionary requires both parties to be face-to-face, which is perfect for sizzling eye contact, kissing, and physical closeness, says Debra Laino, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and professor at Jefferson University and Wilmington University.
RELATED: I pegged my boyfriend with a strap-on: Here’s how it went’
Beyond that, it’s a great starter position that doesn’t require a ton of flexibility or confusing acrobatics. But the best part of missionary? It’s extremely versatile. There are lots of variations on the position you can try, along with easy fixes and moves (hello, coital alignment technique!) that can help the top partner stimulate the receiver’s clitoris—or penetrate even more deeply, depending on what both parties are into.
Seven steamy variations on missionaryÂ
1. Cross-booty
The Cross-Booty position gives you the closeness of missionary but with a fun twist (literally). The giving partner enters the receiver from the missionary position, then slides their chest and legs off the receiver’s body so that their pelvis is in the same location, but their limbs form an “X” with the bottom partner’s.
Bonus? This unique angle gives the receiver ample opportunity to grab onto the giver’s back or butt while they thrust.
2. The ballet dancer
Standing up can definitely spice up missionary. If the receiver is okay venturing into vertical, they can just wrap your leg around their partner’s waist while they enter. This position offers all the closeness and eye contact of missionary, but it’s undeniably a new experience. (Depending on your flexibility, you can also move your leg higher to allow for deeper penetration.)
3. Reverse scoop
Or, if you prefer to stay horizontal, try out the Reverse Scoop. This one’s basically missionary but with both partners on their sides—you’re basically cuddling while having sex.
4. The cowboy
This one adds a little tightness and friction to increase sensations for both parties. To try it, the giving partner enters as the receiver lies on their back with their legs close together. Then, the giver sits upright on top.
5. The seashell
For this one, the receiver can cross their ankles behind their head… but if that’s asking a little too much (fair), they can just bring their knees to their shoulders, suggests Nan Wise, PhD, a cognitive neuroscience researcher, certified sex and relationship therapist, and author of Why Good Sex Matters.
Now, with your pelvis angled upward and toward you, reach down with a free hand or grab a vibrator to stimulate your clitoris as your partner thrusts inside you.
6. The spork
While the receiver lies on their back, they raise their right leg so the penetrating partner can position their body between their legs at a 90-degree angle and enter. Together, your legs will form the tines of a spork (that’s a spoon-fork combo, ICYDK).
7. Lifted missionary
If the penetrating partner is struggling to reach the perfect spot, there’s a fix. Invest in a sex pillow (or just grab a pillow you already own!) and slide it under the receiving partner to get the angle just right. Lifted missionary might also grant the giving partner better access to the receiver’s clit, if they’d like to use a hand (or vibrator) for some added stimulation.
8. The Coital Alignment Technique
Sure, it’s a technique, not a position—but the CAT is a game-changer. “CAT is the single-most powerful position for two reasons,” says Wise. The first is that it increases stimulation on the external clitoris, which, if that’s what you’re into, will send chills through your body… in a good way. The second perk of CAT is its ability to draw out intercourse, making this a great way to practice edging.
To do it, the partner on top will angle themselves somewhat higher than usual, and both people move together to create a “rocking” motion that stimulates the bottom partner’s clit. “The CAT allows you to grind against your partner’s pelvic bone or base of the shaft, providing more external stimulation to the clitoral head and hood (as well as the internal rod/shaft of the clitoris),” says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, sexologist and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast.
Because of the way the giving partner has to position their body for CAT (in order to spotlight the receiver’s clit), penetration won’t feel quite as deep to them, so it will take them a few more thrusts (at least) than usual to climax, Wise explains. It’s the perfect move for those whose partners tend to finish too soon and want to keep things going for as long as possible.
How to level up missionary sex
1. Don’t underestimate the importance of erotic play.
What some might consider foreplay, Wise calls erotic play. Foreplay promotes the separation of the “beginning” from the “main event” when, in reality, it’s all sex—as long as you’re feeling pleasure, she says. Don’t downplay the build-up, because it’s super important for getting into and staying in the ideal headspace for what’s to come.
So, instead of relying solely on the sensuality of missionary to make you feel connected to your partner, warm up with some light vaginal penetration via fingers, says Laino. Or, if that’s not your move, try oral sex as your transition to intercourse so that you and your partner can start building up the mood from the start.
“Erotic play is important with all positions,” Laino says. “But because of the intensity of missionary, it’s especially nice to work into it.” (Gradual = less awkward, especially with a newer partner.)
2. Show your nipples some love…
Breasts and nipples are two of the biggest erogenous zones, so give them some TLC. Massage, suck, clamp, or lightly pinch them during sex, suggests sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First.
If you’re receiving, position yourself underneath your partner for chest-to-chest contact. This way, you can take toys and fingers out of the equation completely while your partner’s chest rubs against yours as they thrust. It might even be enough stimulation for a nipple orgasm.
3. …And your other erogenous zones, too.
Don’t forget to stimulate areas that aren’t between your legs or on your chest. Some less obvious zones are your ears and neck, says Wise. Ask your partner to lightly graze their fingernails against the back of your neck, or put your tongue in their ear after playfully tugging on their earlobe with your teeth.
Of course, what might feel good to you might not be a sexy zone for your partner, so get their okay beforehand or stop if they say it’s not their thing.
4. Adjust your rhythm.
Sex isn’t a race (unless you’re looking for a quickie). So, instead of rushing to orgasm, slow down, says Wise. Focus on your breath and try to sync your exhales with your partner’s. This allows you to savor the sexual sensations you’re experiencing as a unit.
Or, in a move borrowed from tantric sex, you might exhale into your partner’s mouth while they inhale. Not only is this hot AF, but these deeper breaths will also increase blood flow and circulation to your pelvic area, upping your pleasure, Wise says.
Still not it? Try switching up your moves while you slow down, says O’Reilly. Mix up the rhythm by moving your hips in a circular motion instead of simply moving up and down, she suggests.
5. Play with angles.
The best part of missionary is how easily you can change the placement and intensity of stimulation—just by switching your body angles. If you want deeper penetration, the receiver can place a pillow beneath their lower back to prop up their pelvis, says Wise. Tilting their pelvis upward forces the giving partner to thrust downward, and thus, more deeply.
6. Bring a vibrator into the mix.
To take things up a (literal) notch, bring your vibrator into the bedroom. Use it before penetration—on your nipples, neck, back, and any other area of your body that you like to amp up excitement, Laino suggests. Or when the giving partner is on top, they can lean on their knees while they’re inside the receiver and use the vibe on their clitoris, in sort of a modified missionary position, she says.
The penetrating partner can even wear a vibrating cock ring to target the receiver’s clitoris and help them last longer, says sex expert Rachel Needle, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in West Palm Beach and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes.
7. Give feedback.
This goes for any sex position, but especially missionary, since you don’t want your partner to think you think the sex is boring. “Take advantage of this [face-to-face position] to vocalise your pleasure,” says Wise. If you’re feeling what they’re doing, tell your partner and moan (if that comes naturally to you).
“By freeing yourself to make noise, you can supercharge your sexual experience,” Wise notes. Not only will hearing your own pleasure egg you on, but whispering into your partner’s ear about how good they’re making you feel will also give them the push they need to get more adventurous or stimulate that area you love in new ways. Win-win, am I right?
And, of course, you can always ask for feedback, too. Communication is hot. “Check in during sex play to see what feels best,” O’Reilly says. “‘Do you like that? More here or there? Harder or softer? Slower or faster?'”
8. Try using a massage oil.
Rubbing a sensual massage oil onto your partner (or receiving a massage, too) can be an intimate experience—plus, the gentle oils can reduce the harsh kind of friction as your bodies rub against each other. “Lathering yourselves with massage oil can create a different sensation with skin-to-skin contact,” says Janet Brito, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist based in Honolulu. “Just put a towel underneath if you care about your sheets!”
This article originally appeared on Women’s Health U.K.
