It’s pretty normal to experience feelings for someone who doesn’t return them. Chances are, you’ve also been the one to not return someone else’s feelings for you. Romantic attraction isn’t always clear, and it can cause a lot of confusion, worries and stress for those who are unsure about what is happening.
Being stuck on someone can be hard, but you can take action to look after your own wellbeing. Firstly, it’s important to think about why you are so stuck on them.
Sometimes, you might be so into this person because you’ve idealised them in your mind. You are attached to a fantasy, an polished version of them that may not exist. You might not be viewing them as a full, complex individual with flaws and even undesirable characteristics.
You also might want someone you know you can’t have. The fact that there can never be a genuine connection is part of the appeal, and it can be a distraction from other things that might be going on in your life- whether that be conflict, boredom, stress or unhappiness. Staying stuck on this person allows you to remain in the safety of a one-sided relationship that isn’t real and doesn’t require you to become vulnerable, accept risk, and commit to another person. Identifying unrequited love means being honest with yourself about what is going on, so you can start to move on.
Whether or not you want to admit it, being stuck on someone can hurt.
How to overcome feeling stuck
Take some time to yourself
You aren’t going to start to heal and move on if you don’t put some distance in between you both. Yes, that might also mean blocking them on social media if you find yourself pining for them and constantly returning to their page. Try your best not to lurk their page.
Consider your wellbeing
Being stuck on someone is emotionally exhausting, and it’s time to put your energy into looking after yourself. Think of some self-care activities that will fill your cup, and start planning fun and pleasurable activities with your friends.
Feel your feelings
When we try to avoid or ignore how we feel, it makes it worse in the long run. Talk about it with friends, try journalling, and cry if you need to cry.
Don’t be afraid to meet new people
You don’t have to jump into a new relationship before you’re ready, but explore making new connections and meeting people.
Keep busy
Make extra time for keeping active and engaging in your usual hobbies.
Find meaning in the experience
Get to know yourself and think about what made it so difficult to move on from this person. What was happening for you? What purpose did this serve?
Consider connecting to a psychologist
If you’re finding it too challenging to move on, sometimes we need professional support for managing the impact on our mental health & wellbeing.
Remember, you aren’t alone. You’ll probably find someone in your life who can relate to what you’re going through, and this feeling will pass in time. You will find a relationship with someone who reciprocates your feelings.
Carly Dober owns Enriching Lives Psychology and is the director at the Australian Association of Psychologists Incorporated and Body Safety Australia. She works alongside Headspace App’s global team and professionally covers topics including but not limited to; mental health, depression, anxiety, stress and burnout, anger management, phobias, relationship difficulties, sexuality and sexual development.
