These days you can pretty much guarantee that there’s a cleanse for all areas of our lives. From juice (or soup) cleanses, to detoxes of the home living space, wardrobe clean-outs and simply going through those things we’d kept in storage for so long and weighing up if we really need them in our lives or are simply holding on, however loosely, to the nostalgia they might induce – whatever the case, these are the cleanses we invest time and energy into, knowing that to go through them is to emerge victorious on the other side. But perhaps there’s one area we should be focusing on more when it comes to cleansing: our friendship circle.
To watch any Hollywood movie is to realise that most care only to glorify romantic relationships, but the truth is that when it comes to those platonic friendships, these are the ones that need to be cultivated and nurtured. You don’t need a romantic partner to experience romance. As anyone who has endured a painful breakup can attest, sometimes it’s in those months of grief and great loss that our friends provide us with the greatest acts of romance: shielding our red and splotchy faces from co-workers in the office, granting us a shoulder to cry on, and giving us the first laugh post-breakup, the best laugh of our lives.
But for every great friend, there are also those who test us. These are the friends who rarely check-in, whose friendship feels more one-sided as they take more from us and give little back in return. For some, having such friends is merely a case of proximity or longevity. Perhaps we’ve been friends for so long, we’ve never quite taken the time to question if we’ve since evolved out of such friendships. According to psychologists though, it’s worth going through a friend cleanse which encourages you to review your friendships and shed the ones that don’t belong in your life.
It might sound harsh, but by simply asking yourself 10 questions about your friends, the answers could see you consider cleansing certain people from your social circle, leaving you with more time and energy to devote to those worthwhile relationships and experiences in your life.
As outlined by Psychology Today, here are the 10 questions to ask about each friend. As the psychologists note, if someone met one or more of the following 10 criteria, that person would be a candidate to be cleansed from a friendship circle.
10 Questions to Ask About Each Friend During A Friendship Cleanse
- Have they not been there for me when I reached out during the tougher moments of my life?
- Were they judgemental when I revealed that I was going through tough times?
- Did they not make an adequate effort to stay in touch?
- Did they fail to make enough effort to really get to know me?
- Have they not been open about themselves and their lives? Were they instead presenting a front or charade to me?
- Did they fail to tell me or warn me about important things that I needed to know?
- Did I wonder about what they were saying or doing behind my back?
- Did they date my significant other while I was still with the significant other?
- Did they not seem to cherish our friendship?
- Did they not change any of the above behaviour even when given the opportunity to do so?
Just like you would clean your home regularly, it’s suggested that you do a friendship cleanse periodically too, particularly if you’re someone who goes through life making new friends often and easily. While some new friendships will go the distance and see you befriend that person for life, others are purely situational and simply continuing them can be draining, both mentally and emotionally. Still, realising that someone’s not really a friend may only come to light when you take a discerning eye to your situation.
Not surprisingly, many who have done a friendship cleanse report feeling greater energy post-cleanse. By being consciously aware of your true friends in life, you’ll find you have more time to devote to these friendships and the experiences around them.
