For founder of bamboo underwear brand Vee Underwear Emma Rutherford-Ward, Endometriosis is, simply put, frustrating. Debilitating pain (always at the worst of times) meant having to somehow understand how to live a normal life with the chronic condition – one that affects more than 830,000 (over 11%) of Australian women.
“As if life isn’t chaotic enough, this chronic condition can present its symptoms at any time, and that’s never the right time. For me, it’s been signalled by pain and discomfort in my lower abdomen, pain during sex, and eternal constipation,” says Emma. “When I do get a bad flare up, it’s not just about taking some pain killers and getting on with my day, it’s often debilitating enough to send me to bed. Luckily for me, I can be flexible with the business and work from bed when I need to, but not everyone has this luxury.”
This March, for Endo Awareness Month, Vee will be donating $1 from every sale that includes a limited-edition red pair of knickers to Endometriosis Australia.
“I think information is power. For so many years, I had these crippling symptoms with no explanation. That can feel really frustrating and make you second guess what you are feeling, you almost feel like a fraud. I think understanding I actually do have a chronic condition — which is extremely complex and presents itself so diversely — is validating in a way,” she explains. “In terms of my physical relationship with Endo, I wish it would bugger off. But that’s not realistic. My symptoms definitely have improved since my surgery, but you still will catch me with a heat pack on the reg. It’s too early to tell what the longer term impact of my Endometriosis might be in terms of fertility and ongoing surgeries, time will tell.”
Grateful that she at least has a diagnosis – with so many women going undiagnosed for too many years – Rutherford-Ward says that some of the worst parts about having the invisible condition is the scepticism.
“I think the unpredictability of it makes it chaotic. You can’t plan for a flare-up, which makes it really hard to manage. And it’s often at the worst time like a special occasion where you’re either forced to put on a brave face (if it’s at all manageable), or miss the moment entirely if it’s not. That really sucks. It’s also not something that is easily explained, as you don’t look physically ill, even though at times, you feel like your insides could implode.”
If you don’t have the condition, understanding it – and how to support someone who has it – can be extremely difficult. So, in Time for World Endo Month, Emma has shared how she feels most supported by other people when it comes to bad days with Endo – and how we can best approach the situation.
Here’s what you can do to support a girlfriend living with Endo
“I think having the confidence to be unapologetic and open about my Endometriosis allows the people in my life to be supportive, empathetic and understanding. That confidence is what team Vee is trying to foster in (and via) our community. A cuppa and hug always helps, too.”
1. Firstly, building an open and non-judgemental relationship with your friends is a fantastic place to start. This means that if they are diagnosed with Endo, they’ll be comfortable sharing all the nitty gritty with you and you’ll be in the best position to support them. If you’re all over this, go you good thing!
2. Next up is being empathetic and understanding. Two fundamentals of grappling with the last-minute changes of plans your girlfriend might make due to Endo woes. AKA if your girlfriend doesn’t feel up for Friday drinks, be understanding and validating of that and genuinely empathic that in bed in the fetal position is not where she wants to be.
3. Check-in, check-in, check-in. Remember this is an invisible disease and you won’t always know when your friend is suffering. A gentle welfare check can never go astray, and asking your GF how her recent appointment went, or being there following a procedure with some flowers and good vibes is always a tactful way of showing you really care.
4. Treat them to some super-soft, mega-comfortable bamboo underwear. Vee’s undies absolutely pass the unofficial Endo Comfort Test, and this was actually a major driving reason for starting the brand in the first place. They’re malleable enough to understand women’s bodies change and morph throughout different life stages (i.e. pregnancy) or different days (i.e. a flare up).
5. This disease can at times be debilitating. Do something to lighten their load and help with their day-to-day. Maybe it’s as simple as offering to grab some milk, pick up something from the post office, or make them a delicious, well-balanced meal.
