Sex parties might sound intimidating or like something out of a movie, but in reality, they can be a safe, exciting way to explore your sexuality and meet others who share similar interests. Whether you’re just curious or actively planning to attend, this guide will walk you through everything you need to know to approach your first experience with confidence and ease.
1. Get clear on your intentions and boundaries
Before attending, think about why you’re interested in a sex party and what you hope to get out of it. Are you there to explore, observe, connect with new people, or strengthen intimacy with a partner? Having a clear intention will guide your experience and help you feel more comfortable.
Equally important is setting boundaries. Decide in advance what feels good to you and what doesn’t. You may be open to watching others, engaging in certain acts, or simply observing. Whatever your boundaries, know that you’re in control and that consent is key.
2. Research the right event for you
Sex parties come in all shapes and sizes, from exclusive events with strict guest lists to community gatherings that welcome beginners. Research events in your area and consider joining one with a beginner-friendly reputation or a focus on consent and safety. Reading reviews or talking to others who’ve attended can provide insight into the event’s vibe, rules, and crowd.
RELATED: ‘I left my husband after 20 years: here are 5 daily rituals that helped me’
Some events are play parties with open sexual expression, while others might be more about dancing, connecting, or attending workshops. Knowing what to expect helps you pick a party that aligns with your comfort level.
3. Prioritise consent and respect
Consent is the foundation of any well-run sex party. Reputable events will have clear guidelines around consent, respect, and personal space, often with a no-tolerance policy for boundary violations. There may be consent “monitors” or staff to ensure everyone’s comfort and safety.
Before approaching or touching anyone, always ask for permission. A simple “May I?” goes a long way, and remember that a “no” is always okay and should be respected without question. Practising open communication and checking in with others shows respect and helps create a supportive environment for everyone.
Unsplash
4. Prepare to dress the part
Most sex parties have a dress code, whether it’s themed or encourages participants to wear something that makes them feel sexy and confident. This could be anything from lingerie to a costume, or simply something that makes you feel great in your own skin. Research the event’s dress code, and don’t be afraid to ask questions if you’re unsure. If in doubt, aim for comfortable but alluring, as you’ll want to feel good about how you look and move.
And don’t forget practicalities! Bringing essentials like a change of clothes, any personal hygiene products, and a small bag for your items will help you feel prepared.
5. Engage at your own pace
You might be surprised to learn that most people at sex parties are relaxed and respectful, with no expectation for you to “perform” or participate in anything you’re not comfortable with. Take time to observe, meet new people, and enjoy the atmosphere. Whether you’re a social butterfly or prefer to observe, engaging at your own pace is completely normal.
RELATED: 15 nifty lubes for friction-free foreplay
If you feel unsure, step aside and check in with yourself or your partner. Staying true to your comfort zone helps make the experience enjoyable and lets you set the pace for anything you choose to explore.
6. Reflect and process afterwards
After the event, give yourself time to process the experience. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions, from excitement to curiosity or even a bit of nervousness. Reflect on what felt good, what didn’t, and how you might approach a future event differently. Talking with a trusted friend or partner can help you sort through any feelings and make sense of the experience.
Sex parties are all about curiosity, exploration, and respect. Whether you’re dipping a toe into this world or fully embracing it, remember that you’re in control. Approaching your first sex party with openness and a commitment to your own boundaries can lead to a safe and enriching experience.
Rachel Baker is the LBDO founder and CEO. Baker offers empowering tips and recommendations on embracing sexual wellness, intimacy, and pleasure.
