Ghosting is one of the most confusing and frustrating experiences in modern dating. One moment, you’re exchanging texts, making plans, maybe even feeling a connection… Then, suddenly – crickets. No explanation, no goodbye, no closure. It can take weeks to recover from.
Now, out of nowhere, they resurface. Maybe they send a casual “Hey, how are you?” You liked them, you had a connection… should you give them another shot?
Here’s what to consider as you make your decision.
What does it mean if someone is ghosting you?
If you’ve been ghosted before, you probably tried to answer this question hundreds of times. Why did they ghost you? Was it something you said? Is there something wrong with you?
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The reality is that people ghost for a variety of reasons. It’s hard not to take it personally, but the reality is that it probably has more to do with them than you.
- Avoidance of confrontation – They didn’t know how to communicate their feelings, so they vanished instead
- Lack of emotional maturity – They weren’t emotionally equipped to handle a real conversation about their feelings or circumstances
- Fear or anxiety – They may have been overwhelmed by their own emotions or external pressures
- They just weren’t that invested – Sometimes, ghosting happens when someone doesn’t see the connection as serious or worth the effort to explain
- Something else was going on – Occasionally, people disappear because of personal crises, mental health struggles, or significant life events
Why is being ghosted so painful?
Being ghosted is painful, frustrating, and unfair. Ghosting doesn’t just leave you confused – it can trigger deep emotional wounds. Humans are wired for connection, and when someone we trust or care about suddenly disappears, it can feel like an abandonment.
Here’s why ghosting can be so painful
- Lack of closure – When someone ghosts you, they take away your opportunity to process the end of the relationship in a healthy way. Instead of a conversation, you’re left with uncertainty and self-doubt
- Rejection and self-blame – It’s easy to internalise ghosting as a personal failure, even though it’s more likely about the other person’s emotional limitations
- Unfinished emotional investment – When you’ve built emotional connections, even early on, suddenly losing that bond can feel jarring and unresolved
- Triggers past wounds – If you’ve experienced abandonment in the past, ghosting can reignite those feelings, making the pain even deeper
- Disrupts trust in dating – It can make you more hesitant to be vulnerable or trust future partners, leading to fear and anxiety in new relationships
How to respond to a person who ghosted you
Before considering a second chance, you need to understand why they’re coming back.
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Are they offering a genuine explanation and taking accountability? Or is this just a case of boredom, loneliness, or looking for an easy option?
Red flags to watch out for
- They don’t acknowledge the ghosting at all. If they reappear like nothing happened, that’s a huge sign they haven’t grown or reflected
- Their reason is vague or dismissive. Saying “I was just in a weird place” isn’t enough
- They only reach out late at night or sporadically. This could indicate they’re looking for convenience, not a real connection
- They put the blame on you. If they try to shift responsibility for their disappearance, it’s a red flag
What you do want to see
- A genuine apology that acknowledges their behaviour and its impact
- A clear explanation of what happened and why it won’t happen again
- Consistent actions that show they are making an effort, not just words
Do you even want someone back after they’ve ghosted you?
Take a moment to ask yourself: Do I actually want this person back? Sometimes, when someone who hurt us resurfaces, we feel tempted to re-engage just to validate ourselves. But do you really see them as a healthy, fulfilling partner?
Think about the relationship before the ghosting. Were they kind, communicative, and emotionally available? Or were there already signs that they weren’t fully invested?
You deserve consistency, respect, and communication. If someone didn’t offer you that before, make sure they’re capable of doing so now before letting them back in.
You get to make your choice here.
