If you’ve ever given or received oral sex (or done both at the same time), you probably have a position or two that usually work for you. And while it can be easy, convenient, and efficient to end up in the same configuration time after time, there are just as many ways to have oral sex as there are to have intercourse—and there’s a solid argument for shaking up your routine.
‘The thing that happens, especially in long-term relationships, is people tend to revert to a default. And it tends to be the [position] that works most reliably and most quickly,’ says Rachel Zar, PhD, LMFT, a certified sex therapist based in Chicago. While there’s nothing wrong with a position that consistently helps you orgasm, ‘our nervous systems adapt and become less excited by something that feels routine, or like the same thing over and over again,’ she adds. ‘Sometimes, excitement can come from something not working most effectively—or getting to orgasm—but from something being new.’
So it should come as no surprise that trying out new positions can help your orgasms, too. ‘Novelty can make sex really hot for a lot of people; it gives a dopamine release,’ says Debra Laino, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and board-certified clinical sexologist. And if you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, trying new positions and angles allows you to keep learning more about your partner’s body—something that can benefit your relationship and sex life as you both grow older together, adds Jenn Gunsaullus, PhD, a sociologist and sexologist based in San Diego.
Meet the experts: Rachel Zar, PhD, LMFT, is a certified sex therapist based in Chicago. Debra Laino is an AASECT-certified sex therapist and board-certified clinical sexologist. Jenn Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist and sexologist based in San Diego.
When choosing the right oral position, you’ll want to ask yourself a few questions. ‘One of the things that people enjoy about oral sex is the power dynamic. And that can be power from the person who’s giving or receiving, depending on how you frame it,’ says Zar. She recommends thinking about what makes receiving oral so appealing to you, specifically: Do you enjoy the feeling of relaxing and letting go, or do you prefer feeling empowered and in control? And when you’re on the giving side, do you like the idea of your partner surrendering to you—or do you prefer being told what to do? Your answer might help you pinpoint the kind of position you’ll find hot, whether that’s face-sitting or the butterfly technique.
Finally, while the positions ahead can work for all couples and all kinds of oral sex—whether you’re performing or receiving it on a vulva, penis, or even anus—you can tweak them slightly to focus on your and your partner’s specific body parts. If you’re performing oral sex on someone with a penis, for instance, you might want to feel like you’re approaching them ‘from below’ so you can control the depth and pace at which they’re thrusting into your mouth, says Zar. On the other hand, someone performing cunnilingus (or oral sex on a vulva) might want to make sure their partner’s legs are spread enough to give them access to the clitoris. (After all, over 36 percent of women with vulvas say that they need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.)
In need of some inspo? Ahead, 12 oral sex positions to add to your sexual menu, according to sex therapists.
Classic oral
The most ‘traditional way’ to have oral sex on a bed or couch involves the receiving partner lying on their back with their legs slightly spread apart and their knees up, says Laino. From here, the giver can kneel or lie down in front of their genitals—whichever feels more comfortable (and feasible with the size of your bed or couch). If the receiving partner has a penis, the giver might choose to lie beside them for maximum comfort, says Gunsaullus.
No matter how the giver situates their body, this position is great for people who are new to having sex with each other, explains Gunsaullus: There’s a lot of opportunity for eye contact, which can help the receiver provide verbal and nonverbal feedback (and a sexy visual). Plus, the giver has utmost control over what they’re doing here, which can be especially useful during fellatio (i.e. oral sex on a penis)—after all, if the giving partner has a sensitive gag reflex, they can choose the depth and pace at which they’re performing oral.
'One of the things that people enjoy about oral sex is the power dynamic'
Trying this position during cunnilingus? The receiver might also want to try keeping their legs closed together once their partner is firmly in place, says Laino. ‘Having closed legs feels a little different in the sense that it’s really working PC [pelvic floor] muscles, because you’ll be squeezing your thighs together,’ she adds. Some receivers might prefer this sensation—it’s all about trial and error.
The butterfly technique
This technique is similar to the last one, but provides a twist for the receiver. Here, ‘the receiver’s legs are spread open like a butterfly,’ says Laino. Receivers with vulvas and penises can try this move, but for givers performing cunnilingus, this position grants you access to even more parts of your partner’s vulva. If the receiver enjoys multiple kinds of stimulation at once, the giver can try focusing on their clitoris with their tongue, all while using fingers or a toy to hit their G-spot.
The Kivin Method
Like the prior positions, the receiver lies on their back—but with this move, the giver lies or kneels perpendicular to their body, so they’re approaching their partner’s genitals from an all-new angle. ‘This is usually done on vulvas,’ says Laino. ‘It’s said that it helps to achieve an orgasm better because you can apply pressure to the perineum, or taint.’ That said, you can try this method if you’re performing oral sex on a penis, too; like Classic Oral, this can help you stay in control of the depth and speed, and provide your partner with an all-new visual.
Go wide
Sick of staying horizontal? Try having the receiver sit in a chair (or on the edge of a bed or couch) with their giving partner kneeling in front of them. This is another classic position that works well for receivers with vulvas or penises, says Laino. But, it’s specifically a great one for fellatio because it provides givers with a lot of comfort and access, adds Zar. Here, the giving partner can once again fully control the depth and speed, and a seated position might also be easier on their jaw than something that involves lying down. If your shower has a seated area, you can also try this one there! Just make sure to place a non-slip shower mat under the giver’s knees, says Laino. And if you’re doing this out of the shower, the giver might also want to kneel on a pillow for comfort.
Face-Sitting
This oral sex position puts the receiver in control. It’s a great move for a little power play—or, for letting a receiving partner control the speed, pace, and sensations they receive. ‘Being on top is a great way for you to be able to take control of what kind of stimulation you want, much like being on top during intercourse,’ says Zar.
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Face-sitting is just what it sounds like: The receiver straddles their partner’s face, aligning their genitals with the giver’s mouth. This can work for a receiving partner with a penis or vulva, says Laino, but it’s especially important that a receiver with a penis makes sure they’re not hurting their partner by thrusting in too quickly or deeply. That said, no matter whether the top person has a penis or a vulva (or you’re engaging in a little analingus), you should have a nonverbal equivalent of a safeword, or some kind of hand signal that indicates you need to stop. ‘You want to make sure that the [giving] person has a way to tap out or take a breath,’ says Zar. ‘Usually, this can look like a little tap on the thigh.’
Reverse face-sitting
This is exactly the same as face-sitting, but with the receiving partner facing away from the giving partner. This position also works well for analingus. Once again, just remember to have a nonverbal safeword in place.
Standing oral
You’ve heard of standing sex—why not try oral standing up, too? Here, a receiving partner leans against a wall with their legs slightly spread out, while a receiver kneels in front of them and performs oral sex. This is a great position for shower sex, if you have a smaller bathroom without a shower seat, says Laino.
Bullseye
A combination of face-sitting and standing oral, this position has a giving partner lean against a wall while a receiving partner presses their genitals into their mouth. It’s a great position for receivers who enjoy standing sex, but prefer to be in control of the oral stimulations their partner provides, Honolulu-based sex therapist Janet Brito, PhD previously told Women’s Health US. (Again, during any face-sitting position, plan on a nonverbal cue that the giver can use to stop sex if it gets to be too much!)
Sideways 69
If you’re interested in giving and receiving oral sex simultaneously, you’ve probably heard of a little position called 69. The easiest way to do this position in practice, though, isn’t the traditional iteration with one partner on top. Rather, lie down on your sides like you would for spooning sex, but with one partner facing the headboard and the other facing the end of the bed.
‘Lying side by side can be more comfortable’ than one person climbing on top of the other, says Zar. And comfort is especially important in this position, since it can take some practice to get used to performing oral and receiving it at once, adds Gunsaullus.
69
Once you’ve mastered sideways 69 (or, if you’re not afraid to get on top!), you can try the classic version. Here, one partner lies on their back, just as they would for classic oral. The other person climbs on top, facing away from the bottom person. From there, align your genitals with each other’s mouths.
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Couples of any gender, genital, and sexuality configuration can give this a whirl. In 69-ing situations where one person has a vulva and the other has a penis, it might feel more comfortable for the person with a vulva to go on top, New York-based sex therapist Rachel Wright, LMFT previously told Women’s Health US. But to mix things up and make things hotter, you can always try swapping positions.
Another way to spice this up? Add in sex toys. Laino recommends nipple clamps, since ‘nipples aren’t usually touched in 69, just based on the position and reach.’
Swinging 69
If you have a sex swing, you can gain access to a world of new oral sex positions. ‘Swings are good for 69,’ says Laino. ‘It can add in a different layer of kinkiness, or feeling like you’re out of control because you’re not grounded.’ Just make sure ahead of time that if you both choose to get into the swing together, it can hold your combined weight, Laino adds. You can also have one person stay in the swing, with the taller partner leaning over.
Downward dog
If you’ve ever taken a yoga class, this one might sound familiar. The receiver takes the form of a V-shape, with their hands and feet on the ground and their butt in the air, says Laino. Then, their partner approaches from behind and kicks the lower part of their vulva, their testicles, or the anus.
You can also try doggy-style oral, too, Laino adds. This position requires a little less flexibility than Downward Dog; the receiving partner just gets on all fours, and the giving partner performs oral from behind. This is a particularly great position for analingus (or rimming), says Laino.
This article originally appeared on Women’s Health U.K.
