Of the many types of orgasms out there, a clitoral orgasm might be the MVP. Despite the myth that clit orgasms are ‘a “lesser” orgasm’ compared to other types (like vaginal orgasms), they shouldn’t be treated as second-string, says Shamyra Howard, LCSW, CST, a licensed clinical social worker and AASECT-certified sex therapist. ‘There’s so much misinformation out there that makes people feel like vaginal orgasms are superior, or that something is wrong if they can’t orgasm from penetration alone—but that’s just not true.’
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In fact, clitoral stimulation is necessary for 36.6%of people with vulvas to achieve orgasm, while only 18.4% can climax from intercourse alone, according to a 2018 study in the Journal of Marital Sex & Therapy. What’s more: An additional 36% of study participants reported that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms felt better if their clitoris was stimulated during intercourse. Why? Well, the clitoris is often the principal organ for pleasure (yes, even more than the G-spot), according to a 2022 study in Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics.
Meet The Experts: Shamyra Howard, LCSW, CST, is a licensed clinical social worker and AASECT-certified sex therapist based in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. DuEwa ‘Kaya’ Spicer, LCSW, CST, is a licensed clinical social worker and AASECT-certified sex therapist at Infinite Zen Holistic Therapy. Emma J. Smith, PhD, LPC, CST, is a licensed professional counselor and AASECT-certified sex therapist based in Nashville, Tennessee.
And, by the way, the clitoris ‘is so much more than just the little nub you see’, says Howard. ‘It’s an entire network of nerve endings that extend internally, and when stimulated the right way, it can lead to intense, toe-curling pleasure.’
What's your (orgasm) type?
Fun fact: The type of orgasm you have can determine its length and intensity (the more you know, the more you O!). This is key when differentiating between the two main types. A vaginal orgasm is triggered by stimulation inside the vaginal walls, whereas a clitoral orgasm comes from external stimulation of the clitoris, says DuEwa ‘Kaya’ Spicer, MSW, LCSW, CST, a licensed clinical social worker and AASECT-certified sex therapist at Infinite Zen Holistic Therapy.
Many women report that vaginal orgasms last longer and can be felt in waves throughout the body, while clitoral orgasms have been reported to be shorter and sharper in intensity, research suggests.
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That said, there’s still a lot to learn about orgasms, and people differ in their subjective experiences. In addition to clitoral and vaginal orgasms, you can also have a blended orgasm, which is ‘when both clitoral and vaginal pleasure come together’, Howard says. ‘Some people also experience nipple orgasms, anal orgasms, or even mental orgasm—yes, orgasms from pure thought!’ Each type of orgasm has its own unique feel, Howard says. And hey, that’s part of the fun!
Everyone’s roadmap to orgasm is different, but in general, you can achieve a clitoral orgasm in a variety of ways: using clit vibrators and other sex toys, fingering (from a partner or during masturbation), receiving oral sex, and even trying specific sex positions to stimulate your clit.
To help you navigate all these O-inducing options (solo or with a partner), look no further than this sexpert-approved guide to achieving a clitoral orgasm.
5 ways to have a clitoral orgasm during solo sex
If you’re new to experiencing clitoral orgasms, it may be best to embark on your first sexploration solo. ‘Even if you are partnered, exploring your body on your own is very important for your sexual satisfaction’, Spicer says. You can take your time, there’s no pressure to perform, and once you figure out what type of stimulation you like, you can use that intel to guide another person during partnered sex (more on that in a bit).
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Not to mention, there are many health benefits of masturbation, from stress relief to better sleep—and ultimately, touching yourself can help you understand your body better. Here’s how:
1.Start slow and get in the mood
‘First, take your time!’ says Howard. ‘Arousal isn’t just physical—it’s mental, too.’ Set the mood with whatever makes you feel sexy, she adds. There are many fun ways to turn yourself on, like deep breathing, fantasising, cueing up some ethical porn, or even moving your body and exercising beforehand.
Because the clitoris is a hyper-sensitive part of the body with many nerve endings (15,000, in fact!), you want to avoid physical overstimulation, since too much sensation can cause irritation and discomfort, says Emma J. Smith, PhD, LPC, CST, a licensed professional counselor and AASECT-certified sex therapist based in Nashville, Tennessee. Stimulating the clit too much could also leave you feeling numb or overly sensitive. Starting slowly can help you get in the mood and build anticipation without doing too much, too soon.
2. Get handsy
If you’re new to masturbation entirely and don’t want to invest in a sex toy just yet, use your fingers and hands to start exploring the clitoris and working your way up to a clit orgasm. Engaging in a self-pleasure practice like this can help foster a deeper understanding of your body’s desires, says Spicer. It can also help you figure out what kind of sensations you like when you’re shopping for a vibrator or playing with a partner.
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Start with this beginner-friendly technique: ‘Using your finger, trace a circle around your clitoris. Experiment with circular motions at the centre of the glans or over the hood, gradually widening the circles,’ Smith says. ‘You might also flatten your fingers or palm, pressing gently over the area and moving in circles for broader, less concentrated stimulation—or try tapping your clitoris with your finger and experimenting with different speeds.’
Once you’ve got the circular motions down, or have found another technique you like, you can experiment further by varying the pace. ‘Shift from slow strokes to quicker, shorter ones’, says Smith. ‘You can also alternate between up-and-down and side-to-side movements to find what feels best.’
As you get more comfortable with the feeling, you can experiment with different strokes and pressures, or even try temperature play, like a warm hand or cool toy, says Howard. Start gently, gradually work your way up to more firm pressure, and don’t be afraid to use a little lubricant, too.
3. Use a clitoral vibrator
While using your hands or a partner’s mouth can feel amazing, ‘clitoral vibrators are game-changers’, Howard says. Vibrators have a variety of intensity settings and pattern options that can provide more targeted pleasure—including sensations that can’t necessarily come from fingers or a tongue. (For example, some vibrators produce ‘rumbly’ sensations, pulsing vibrations, or a combination, which fingers can’t achieve.) Plus, women who use vibrators have easier and more frequent orgasms, Laurie Mintz, PhD, previously told Women’s Health—and because vulvas have ‘special receptors’ for vibrations, she says, a toy can really heighten your experience.
If you’re a beginner, a small, bullet-style vibrator can probably do the trick, Smith says. Experts generally recommend opting for vibrators made from body-safe materials, like medical-grade silicone, for instance—so do your research and choose one that fits the bill.
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Beyond the beginner-friendly bullet,’suction toys and even wand massagers can help you explore different sensations’, says Howard. She recommends the Womanizer Next, but many options are also designed to stimulate your clit, like the Lelo Sona Cruise, Magic Wand, and more. It’s all about finding what works for you.
Whichever vibrator you ~vibe~ with, make sure to clean your sex toy regularly and don’t forget lube, Howard adds. ‘Even a little bit can make everything feel even more delicious.
4. Try grinding
Simple yet effective, this technique involves placing an object, such as a pillow, between your legs and using pressure to grind it against the clitoris and vulva, Smith says. (You don’t have to use a pillow if that’s too soft, but you do want to try this safely, so choose your item wisely and avoid anything sharp). Nothing on hand? No problem. You can also press the heel of your palm against the clitoris and move your hips in circles against it. See what feels good and experiment ‘til you find a sweet spot.
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5. Be patient with the process
Every clitoris is different, so it’s important to be patient with yourself and your unique body, Spicer says. (A toy or technique that a friend swears by may not work for you.) If you try something and it’s not your jam, it’s totally acceptable—and encouraged!—to pivot to another approach or take a short break to reset. ‘Some techniques may bring you closer to orgasm, while others may not resonate as much, and that’s okay’, Smith says.
And if you’ve tried several different times and it still hasn’t happened? That’s okay, too. All that matters is that you enjoyed yourself. ‘The goal should be pleasure, not checking off some orgasm box’, says Howard.
3 ways to have a clitoral orgasm during partnered sex
You know what they say: Teamwork makes the dream work. That’s as true in the bedroom as it is on the basketball court. If you’ve practised solo and are ready to play with a partner, here are some beginner-friendly tips to help you get started.
6. Bring in a vibrator
‘The biggest mistake people make is assuming penetration alone will do the trick, but newsflash: It won’t for most people with vulvas’, says Howard. Luckily, sex toys aren’t just for solo sex. Many vibrators can be held on the clitoris to enhance the vulva owner’s experience during penetrative sex, Howard says, or can be used before, after, or instead of penetrative sex.
If you’ve never used a vibrator with a partner before, you might be nervous about bringing up the idea. However, communicating your desires is key, and there are ways to do it so you both feel comfortable having the convo. ‘Begin by asking your partner if you can have an open conversation about sex’, Spicer says. Then, set aside time when you’re both in a good headspace to have the conversation, and when you do, continue checking in with each other throughout, she adds.
If your partner is open to hearing you out, you can say something like:
- ‘What are your thoughts about bringing toys in when we’re having sex?’
- ‘How comfortable are you with using toys (like a clitoral stimulator) during sex?’
- ‘Is there anything you like to use to enhance pleasure, like lube, porn, or a toy?’
You can even be more direct, Spicer says, and say something like:
- ‘I like to use a clitoral vibrator when I masturbate, and I think it would be fun to add to our sex life. Have you ever experienced this before? Would you be interested?’
- ‘I really enjoy using my vibrator and think it would feel even better with you doing it on my clit.’
If your partner isn’t open to using a vibrator, it’s important to hear them out and potentially explore why. ‘You may find they just don’t understand why you want to use a vibrator, or they might be feeling insecure about their own sexual performance’, Spicer says. However, sex is about you both feeling good. If they’re a little nervous but open to exploring it, having your partner watch you masturbate with a toy (if you’re both open to it) can be a helpful way to ease in, Spicer says.
If your partner is totally down, there are many vibrators for couples that can amp up the intensity during partnered sex, from cock rings to tongue vibrators, panty vibrators, and more. Experimenting with certain sex positions—like getting in doggy style and having your partner tease your clit with a vibrator from behind—can be another fun way to heighten the experience and have some fun.
7. Try mutual masturbation
Watching each other masturbate can be super hot, Howard says. And if you’re new to mutual masturbation or feel slightly intimidated by it, don’t be afraid to break the ice with a sexy game or incorporate a little dirty talk to set the tone. Bonus: That can all double as foreplay, which is ‘a great way to stimulate your vulva and get the blood flowing’, Spicer says. And even though you’ll be keeping your hands to yourself for the, ahem, main event, those rules need not apply during the initial stages of intimacy. You can kiss, touch, nibble—whatever turns you on, says Spicer.
Then, you can experiment by touching yourselves in front of each other or using toys on each other at the same time, Smith says. Try the techniques you’ve practiced on your own, and if you know there’s a specific move that feels great for you, try it in front of your partner so they can see exactly what you like.
8. Enjoy oral sex
Perhaps unsurprisingly, ‘oral stimulation—like licking, sucking, and kissing the clitoris—is another way to trigger clitoral orgasm during partnered sex’, says Spicer. Ask your partner to try different tongue strokes, and encourage them to explore your clitoral hood (the external, pea-sized part of the clitoris above your urethra) with their tongue and lips, she says.
As with any sexual experience (but especially a new one!), start slow and communicate with your partner to figure out what type of licking and/or sucking sensations your body responds to best. That includes asking for what you want. ‘Let your partner know what feels good and what doesn’t—and don’t be afraid to ask for [a specific type of] stimulation’, Howard says. ‘Communication is just as sexy as technique.’
Either way, try edging: Whether you’re engaging in solo or partnered sex, edging—when you bring yourself close to orgasm, stop for a bit, and then repeat the stimulation process—can heighten sensations and ultimately lead to a more intense clitoral orgasm, Spicer says. Plus, you can even repeat this teasing routine several times throughout your sexperience.
No matter how you reach a clitoral orgasm, follow this expert-backed advice and you’re bound to have a toe-curling time.
This article originally appeared on Women’s Health U.K.
