I was 18 when I put my first dollar into a poker machine. It started when I saw family members going behind a glass screen at family lunches. I remember hearing the noises, seeing people come out with cups full of golden coins. It’s funny – I don’t remember the sad side of gambling at that time. The pain. The fear. The shame. All I remember was the side that elicited the joy of the win – and I guess that’s what I chased into addiction.Â
It crept up on me slowly. University breaks, where my classmates went shopping at the mall that was a few minutes walk from campus, turned into finding a venue I could walk to, where the money from my part time jobs would slip through my fingers like water.
The thing that really got me though was that I was surrounded by support – family members who would have dropped everything to help me if I identified that this was a problem. I couldn’t breathe a word to them – despite trying to more times than I could count. Â
I think the thing that got me the most was that I knew I wasn’t like other women my age. The time of my life that should have been full of friends and learning who I was was when my addiction was the worst.
It peaked when my beloved grandfather died, when I was 25 and at the end of my law degree. He was my best friend, and I have his initials tattooed on the insides of both wrists. We used poker machine venues as a source to catch up – he was my excuse for awhile. When he died, I remember thinking that I’d never feel better, and of course, I sought solace in the arms of a poker machine.Â
I’m proud to say now that I’ve not touched a poker machine in years. I’m not proud to say, however, that the guilt, fear and shame that surrounds this industry for women remains.
It took me several years to come to the point where I’ve realised that I can do something to change it. And I am. Together, with a group of committed and passionate women, we’ve created The Untangle Project (@theuntangleprojectaus). The Project is a safe non-judgemental space for women who are experiencing the negative impacts of gambling harm, whether that be directly or supporting someone else who is.
We’re in the process of making plans to formally launch our work, which will include a documentary about how gambling is affecting women, a book of the stories of women who have contacted us seeking help, and a referral point for women who have contacted us seeking help.
This industry is a juggernaut, and gambling is so often portrayed as a male problem. That’s not the case – women just aren’t speaking about it. I am. And I won’t stop until people with the power to change this help us fix what’s wrong here. There are three key things I think everyone needs to hear:Â
- Listen more – the voice of lived experience women is strong and powerful and is the source of change. Â
- Stronger together – the Project has a ‘pay it forward’ model where we ask women who contact us seeking help to help another woman. It may not be anything more than being a texting buddy, or recommending a doctor nearby who you trust. Â
- Bravery – it isn’t weak to seek help. The Project aims to support everyone who contacts us for help, and will support you as much or as little as you feel you need.Â
If you’d like to know more about what we’re trying to do at the Untangle Project. Please DM us on Instagram. We’re here.Â
For free and confidential support visit the Gambling Help Online website to find out more about online counselling, live chat and email support, self-help advice and information. This is available to anyone experiencing harm and concerned about a friend or family member.
You can get immediate assistance by calling the National Gambling Helpline on 1800 858 858 for free, professional and confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
