In terms of technological savvy, most of us are more skilled than our parents. This is to be expected, as social media, dating apps and working digitally have all become more prevalent. There is still one area, however, that many people struggle with – replying to messages in a timely fashion.
Sometimes it feels like the more texts and messages that roll in, the harder it is to reply to them. It’s certainly much easier to keep your phone switched off or distract yourself on another app while letting the notifications build. Often, we just don’t have the headspace to work through a slew of conversations in quick procession, and the anxiety of not responding as the notifications pile up can be anxiety central. But why are we bad at responding?
As it turns out, you shouldn’t be feeling too bad about being slow to reply, because there’s a reason why every phone ping makes you feel even more overloaded.
Why is it so hard to reply to messages?
According to Clinical Lead for Mental Health at AXA PPP healthcare, Mark Winwood, a lack of desire to engage in conversation can be a sign of burnout, or what he calls ‘digital burnout’.
“Anyone with a smartphone will probably have felt the effects of digital burnout at some point or another,” he told Cosmopolitan. “This form of burnout is caused by prolonged use of technology and is characterised by fatigue and feeling stressed. It’s becoming more prevalent because the majority of us now own a smartphone, meaning that we’re being flooded with information almost constantly, which can at times feel overwhelming.”
Having a phone where you can access text messages, Instagram, Facebook, X, TikTok, your emails and more means you’re always accessible, and other people view you this way, too. That can be draining, especially when everyone expects a prompt response, no matter where they’re messaging you.
“Messaging apps have come into their own in recent times and are used for both personal and work communications, meaning the lines can become blurred in terms of boundaries,” Winwood said. The new right to disconnect legislation, which gives employees the right to refuse contact from their employers outside of working hours, should help establish firmer boundaries. We don’t expect a law to be passed that forces our friends to abide by the same rules, though.
With this in mind, it’s easy to see why always being switched on and accessible can lead to mental fatigue. “Our smartphones are always close by and it’s easier than ever to connect with people all over the world – meaning that we’re often messaging people across different time zones. But when we’re always on we don’t allow ourselves the headspace to switch off properly, which can lead to mental fatigue,” Dr Winwood said.
How can you prevent mental fatigue?
To prevent mental fatigue resulting from an overwhelming amount of notifications and messages, start by reframing the way you think about them.
Taking a while to respond doesn’t mean you’re being a bad friend, it means you’re taking back and prioritising your own time so that you don’t feel so drained.
Have some empathy for yourself.
Once you’ve adjusted your perspective, there are a few practical strategies you can use to prevent digital burnout.
1. Mute conversations
Let’s face it, not all conversations are as important as others. You can probably afford to mute that one friend that sends you a million memes per day. And in general, muting a conversation can take some of the pressure off of responding quickly.
2. Don’t look at your phone as soon as you wake up
We know it sounds hard, but try to avoid reaching for your phone as soon as you open your eyes in the morning. By opening your phone when you wake up, you’re immediately switching on and becoming accessible to the world.
The more down-time the better.
3. Set a time limit on your app usage
On most phones, you can set daily time limits on how long you can use specific apps. If you set a one hour daily limit on Instagram, your phone will tell you when that hour’s up and lock you out of the app. This can help you get a more direct handle on your screen time.
4. Do a group chat detox
Ultimately, we’re all in a few group chats we don’t really need to be a part of. Scroll through your list of group chats and we’re sure you’ll find a few that you can leave, archive or mute, meaning you’ll have more time on your hands for the messages that really matter.
5. Call instead of texting
Not everyone likes to call and many prefer the comfort of replying to a text on your own time, but the truth is calling is a much more efficient use of your time. It will allow you to get through a conversation a lot quicker, meaning you wont spend hours procrastinating a back-and-forth text conversation and can get the chat over and done with.
